Fall

The start of the new semester (didn’t I just graduate?) and the Buzzfeed (the nations finest news organization providing useless articles built around gifs made by 14 year old girls on Tumblr) articles proclaiming the secret way to get Pumpkin Spice Lattes early (hint: it involves asking) can mean only one thing: fall is here.

(Three parenthetical asides in one sentence, Kev?!)

And I know what you’re saying, no it’s still summer. It’s August. It’s 90 degrees out. Baseball is still happening (I think?). The change is happening all around us, candy isles are slowly converting their brightly coloured packaging to muted brown and orange hues and changing the shape of everything into a pumpkin.. or like a weird circle thing..

I’m not really a fan of Fall. I like the sun. I like doing something at 7 and still being able to see things. I don’t like the dark all of the time. Because, you know, I’m human and the need for sunlight against the crushing force of cold and dark and all of those other things is necessary because of sciencey and psychological reasons for things. (This is not a science psychology blog, yo.)

I don’t like the feeling of Halloween. And I mean, I get the basic fundamentals, and it’s not like I don’t like candy or fancy costumes or women in tiny clothes or pumpkin flavored everything and combinations comprised of those things.

To me changing leaves and an overabundance of artificial cobwebs give me a feeling of impending dread. I’m reminded of sterile lights, of beeping and hissing, bitter disinfectant and endless waiting rooms showing TNT shows that all seem the same.

And, it’s really not a feeling I like having. I don’t like the exhaustive reminder. And it shouldn’t be this way, my mom loved Halloween, I don’t know if it was her favorite holiday, but it was a day she loved preparing. Halloween was always a big deal to her pre-surgery, as for post.. I don’t really remember… I remember helping her with decorating various parts of Ridgeville Park District in Evanston for their various events, something that occurred over numerous years.

Once we moved to Colorado I was too old to enjoy Halloween, it was for babies (and I was like 2 years away from figuring out the girls in costumes thing) but eventually it grew to disdain.

I think it was the Casa Bonita years that softened my view, aside from the year I worked as the gift shop manager..which was basically being trapped in a box while people shriek and bang on the walls for 14 hours. By the time I was running the cotton candy for Red Rocks (especially the first year, reminded me of Ridgeville days) I was at an almost acceptance level with Halloween.

Last year brought me right back to that place. Back to 1991 and what seemed like three months of hospitals.. And.. It’s not really a place I like being. I mean head space wise.

So, I had a point to this, maybe? And I reason why I’m going on on and about something that’s two months away? Because, it’s going to be weird for me, and I’m probably going to be a little..off..

It was nice of Taylor Swift to schedule her album release around a time when It will be a helpful distraction (and probably will make me cry, if we’re being honest). But you know what, Kevin Smith and Paul Dini, both highly (which for one of them, is a double meaning) influential on my style and development are both overly sensitive dudes.. So I feel like I’m in good company.

Anyway, so, I guess this was like a.. look, the next few months are going to be difficult for me yes, and my sister, and my dad, and pretty much my whole family. But this isn’t about me bringing up sad things or a cry for help for myself or my family.. But this is my documented statement acknowledging that things are getting darker, literally and figuratively, this is a delicate time for..well, most of us. And we all need to watch out for each other. Without getting “PSA-y”

And I think I lost whatever point I had here. And.. I don’t really feel like a second draft (lazy writer).

I’m sure I’ll re-address some of this stuff in a.. better format at some-point.

I’m pretty sure I said I wanted to post a happy one of these. (That’s still coming!) Ok, I didn’t say happy, but it is!

Let’s end on a more uplifting note.

So one time there was this comic where a raccoon and a tree fought a bunch of space bugs and now it’s a movie that was really cool aside from the first five minutes.

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