Because maybe I shouldn’t blog at two am

Because, well, I’m not really sure what I wrote, and, I really don’t plan on re-reading it. But doesn’t matter, actually, because I needed to do it. I needed to get things out of my head, I needed to write. I’m struggling with writing lately. I took a writing class over the summer and as of right now, I’m not aware of how I’m going to actually finish everything that needs to be done. It’s not quite as simply as well, sit down and write because.. It’s not coming. Not even the this is due so it has to be done so do it writing. It’s just like it’s gone. And it’s not like I’m not interested, I have interesting topics and one in particular that I planned on doing an particularly inventive format change…

I can’t.

Or at least I couldn’t. There was too much going on inside my head, blocking out the thing inside my head to help me get it out of my head. Writing is cathartic to me, writing about things helps me work through things, but If I can’t get the words out of my head, or hands or whatever, then, it’s not helping me. And.. I just don’t know what else to do about that.

That’s why I decided that I NEEDED to write, and it needed to be raw and emotional, whatever (although not as raw and emotional as I intended or originally planned, but still raw)

Writing helps me. Poetry helps me. Playwriting helps me. To an extent Twitter as well, any way to get me out of my head and expressing myself, even if it’s pulling stuff out of my head in order to do it. I just need to do it.

Drawing is the same way for me, and yes, I only seem to draw pretty girls? So what. It makes me happy. It makes me happy when people on the internet tell me they LIKE when I draw. It makes me happy to know that I have a list of drawings I need to finish because people ASKED me (ok the last one makes me a little stressed out, but I’m going to work through it). And I’ve come to the realization that I’ll probably never be a ‘popular’ artist with everyone, but the few people who do like when I draw, and tell me and make me know.. That’s enough right there.

But

Art is hard. And it takes a special kind of mind space, and honestly, my mind doesn’t want to go there right now, and It bothers me as much as it bothers me to know I’m letting people down, but at this time.. I just can’t.. Not until I clear some junk out of my head. And

Well

I really wanted to do more then a simply free write, but at the same time, that’s exactly what I needed.

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