The other KP.

I still don’t get it, even after four years.

I’ll get a Twitter message from someone in a far away place (further away than the furtherest place I can comprehend, which is apparently, Montana) like India or Pakistan or New Zealand or South Africa, or… well any former British colony, really. A message congratulating me on a victory. Or a message threatening me about a victory. Or increasingly (and disturbingly) congratulating me on my wood handling abilities (or.. lack of). Messages clearly not intended for me. Messages intended for Cricket Player, Kevin Pietersen (Learn about him here or here or HIS ACTUAL TWITTER ACCOUNT!).

Today’s message congratulated me on my obtaining a century. A century, I assume, has something to do with earning a hundred of something in Cricket (the rules make no sense to me) or maybe on his age, people in other countries look much younger than they really are (which I assume is because other countries are magic).

I never know what to do in these instances, do I reply? In so many of these instances it turns out to be a kid who follows ONE person: ME. They opened a Twitter account specifically to talk to their sports idol. Instead they find me, Glitter McDisneyCupcakes, the furthest person from the burly athletic South African man who mildly resembles Viktor Krum. I’m always afraid of embarrassing the kid. Most of them unfollow me eventually. Sometimes they stick around, and chat with me, add me in Facebook. Some are quite interesting.

It doesn’t always turn out to be a kid. A couple of years ago after a particularly rocky trade, Mister Pietersen spouted off some not so nice things about his former team and teammates on his Twitter feed. (pre Kutcher, Baldwin & Miley!) I gained hundreds of followers in one day. HUNDREDS. Legitimate sports news outlets sent me questions! First of all: HIS NAME IS SPELLED DIFFERENTLY THAN MINE! NEWS OUTLETS CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO FACT CHECK IF THE GUY POSTING PICTURES OF CAKE AND RAPUNZEL CONCEPT ART IS REALLY A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE?!?


My dream goal is to come up with a way to interview him. I want to know if anyone asks him about me. For fun I want to throw in the Texas Artist, Kevin Peterson (who really should have more followers on than me), who I also, from time to time, although less frequently, receive messages intended for him. In contrast, his are always positive, dude wins a lot of art awards.


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