Authentic Voice:

“…I think you spend too much time measuring yourself against some standard you have in your silly head vs. just writing the KEVIN WAY, which is humble and damn funny. Let that voice out more often, your own authentic voice…”

Now, for me, that’s pretty much MY GRADE in Creative Writing. That’s all that matters. And for me, I’m taking that as a lesson learned. I respect her opinion more than ANYTHING when it comes to my writing. I single handedly point to her when it comes to re-sparking my interest in writing. Before that period, I had chalked writing up to, something I’m good at (or so I was told) but never really had the time, energy and at that point, the desire to do.

What it took, what I needed, was for someone to take a look at the writing I was doing at the time (robot writing) and say, “No, you can do better.” A combination of the praise I often lacked, but always desired, but also the humbling ability to push me to keep trying. Keep pushing myself into my writing.

The problem, with “My own authentic Kevin Voice” is, well, not everybody understands it. Not everybody tolerates it, not everybody likes it. Not everybody “gets” it. And, I’ve gotten to the point, where I know a few people that LIKE that type of writing, and I’m pretty comfortable writing to them. And whoever they are, in that handful of people, they know me, they know how I speak in “real life” and they understand it. They know it’s me. And I worry about writing just to impress them. Seeking approval from the people who already approve of me.

But, that’s not everybody. People tell me that I write wrong, I don’t have structure, I use fragmented sentences, I use “ellipsis” wrong.. So on and on. But when I try to write, structured, and, normal and boring, it comes off that way.

Firstly, the thinking style of Kevin Peterson is not conducive to any acceptable form of structure, so why should my writing?

But whenever I do try to write that way, it comes of as disingenuous, as plain, as style less, as boring, as, not Kevin.

One time I showed my friend Sorcha, (who, should be noted, is one of my biggest verbal fans of my writing), an experiment I tried, writing in a different voice. She became enraged and refused to finish reading it.

The standard that I’m trying to measure myself against is the standard that I think people think I should be doing (#complex), but it’s not the standard of which the people who actually care about what I have to say care about (#complexer).

So, what I’ve learned from this, is, I don’t really care. I’m NOT going to write differently. I’m going to continue writing the way I write. And, I’m going to try to keep as much of my “Kevin Voice” in as possible.

Or I’m going to try to.

I could say that it takes me a really long time to write. That it takes me forever re-writing sentences and trying to make them sound authentic. But that’s not exactly true. Mostly it takes me forever to actually GET STARTED. Too many distractions and so forth.

My brain doesn’t function the same way as most people, simple as that. Scientific Fact. Now, instead of trying to force my brain to behave in a way that it’s just not going to, I’m going to need to find ways to work around it.

Although, I seem, especially lately, to be picking up more and more like minded friends. And by like minded, I mean, people whose brains seem to operate on the same crazy wavelengths as mine. Now I love the fact that I’ve got people who can relate to the sometimes bizarre, random things our brains come up with. (Seriously, the average text message between myself and my friend Amanda has no less than 5 different topics)

The problem being sometimes things become too distracting, and it’s hard to arrange things. But on the other side, sometimes it can lead to solutions.

On a suggestion from my much much much much much more creative friend, Terra Jo, I started reading Time Management For The Creative Person, which at first freaked me out (How was he able to find the time to write it! It makes my head hurt!) but now has (and I’m only half way through) opened my eyes to the ways of thinking of, well, the ways I think.

I really do have a point to this, and it’s that, well, I want to get myself focused on being creative, and seriously focused. I mean seriously focused. On writing and on animation.

(Oh, yeah, I did some animation, and, y’know, it’s actually pretty good. Only one person outside of class has seen any of it. And not even the GOOD stuff! –shrug–)

Focus on writing, like, well, me. No matter how uncomfortable and strange as that comes off.

By this, I suppose I should say, I hope to be showing up with more writings over the next few days, weeks, months.

I mean, I’m almost at 1000 words (ok, more like 900) and I didn’t even cover most of the rants subjects I wanted to cover!

(for the record, my final grade in Creative Writing was an “A”)

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